The Fall and Rise
by srslyitzcaroline
Summary: the untold fall and the gradual rise of Allison Jane Oliver. "She was like a flower that had been battered by a storm, but not quite destroyed. Gradually, she began to strengthen and bloom again."
1. Can I or Can't I?

**Oh, thank you for clicking on this(: This is the re-written 'We Just Keep Moving On' and I'm much happier with the stories plotline now. You may recognize Allison 'Aly' Oliver from Just Go With It, which is a story that my lovely friend 'KelsIsVictorious' and I co-write together. You should go check it out. On to the story!**

* * *

><p>"I don't think I can do this," I sighed, awkwardly adjusting the strap of my purse. It was like I hadn't been to Hollywood Arts in years, even though it had only been two months.<p>

Beck sympatheticly patted my back and smiled, "Hey, it'll be fine. Jade, Cat, Andre and I will be here with you. If you feel like today is too much, then just come find one of us."

His mouth said 'fine' but his eyes said differently.

He's questioning if I'm strong enough, right at this moment, inside his head. Hell, I don't even know if I'm strong enough.

Which is sad, mostly because dancers are supposed to be strong, and I'm an exceptional dancer. So I have no choice. I must be strong.

Too bad I'm not much of an actress. It would be easier to pretend.

Two voice coming towards me in the hallway made me smile. Cat and Jade. Jade and Cat. Otherwise known as my two best friends.

"Aly!" Cat swung her arms around me and tightened her grip. "I'm so glad you're back!"

"So am I." I smiled through the tons of red velvet dyed hair that was engulfing my face. I leaned back out of the hug and Jade gave an eye rolled smile.

The greeting was different for Cat than it was for Jade. Jade comes to our house almost every day to escape her family and be with her boyfriend, my brother.

Cat and I have barely seen each other for the time I wasn't at school, and I did truley miss her.

Despite her being an airhead sometimes (read: most of the time), we got along right as rain. She's a great listener when I need her to be, and I listen to all her rambles and dysfunctional family issues when she blurts them out.

It's an odd friendship, but a friendship none the less.

I assume it's the same way with her and Jade. Because you know, Jade's not the nicest person on the face of the Earth, and Cat's basically one of the nicest people ever.

Things have a funny way of working themselves out, though.

"Did those nuts in the front office let you keep your schedule?" Jade asked, cleaning under her nails with a pair of scissors. Oh yeah, 'cause that's not dangerous.

I pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to her, "Mostly. Except they replaced gym with Study Hall."

Jade read over the lists and nodded a few times, "They changed your locker?"

I moaned. "Yeah, closer to Beck's."

Beck smiled and ruffled my hair a bit, making me twitch. Jade handed Cat my schedule and intertwined fingers with Beck. "Class is gonna start soon, do you want someone to walk with you?"

Oh, Jade. As protective of me as you are of my brother. "No it's-"

"I'll walk with you!" Cat linked her arm on mine, my schedule still in her hands. "We have first period in the same hall, remember?"

How could I forget? "Cool, now when people are looking at me like I'm crazy, I can pretend they're looking at you."

Beck and Jade laughed a little and Cat let out her usual, "What's that supposed to mean?" The same way she had always said it since I met her.

I shook my head and told her to forget about it.

"Hey, guys, have you seen Andre? I have his notes and I wanted to- Oh, who's this?" A brunnette girl, looking to be most likely Latina was now standing in between Beck and Cat looking at me with a giant smile on her face.

Who in the world is this? Her smile is making her cheekbones pop out even more nicely than they were before she was smiling. It's creepy.

And it's making me think of bones, which I'm supposed to be keeping my mind off of because I'm strong.

"This is my sister, Allison." Beck started the introduction by placing a hand on my shoulder and emphasizing the word 'sister'.

I noted the way Jade's body language and expression changed as this girl moved closer to Beck and I, sticking her hand out to greet me.

She looked thrilled to be meeting a new person. "I didn't know you had a sister, Beck." She paused shaking my hand and glanced up at him. Jade inched closer and closer. "Are you new?"

"Are _you_ new?" I snapped suddenly. That came out wrong and rude, but I don't care. This chick is annoying on so many levels and we've only known each other for a few moments.

Wait a minute. An annoying Latina that makes Jade move closer to my brother with every word? This has to be-

"Well, sort of. My name's Tori."

Bingo.

So this was the Tori that Jade had been telling me about just after I left school. The one who kissed Beck during Improv, fully aware that he had a girlfriend. Then at the Kickback, she kissed Cat's boyfriend. Tsk tsk.

Tori Vega is what we like to call a 'slam pig.'

After I realized I had been staring at her in a rather 'mentally judging you' sort of way, I felt Beck nudge my back a little. Oh shit, time to come back to reality, Aly. "Right. As Beck said, I'm Allison. You can call me Aly, though." I didn't smile. The corners of my mouth didn't turn up to something even resembling a smile. I just stood there, poker face.

But Tori smiled, oh did she smile. So brightly, that I though her teeth might fall out.

Man, has she got more problems than I do. And I've got a lot of problems, considering I was in-

The soothing, or not so, rhythmic sound of the school's bell interrupted my thought about Glitter Gal standing in front of me, watching my every expression, smiling.

Cat linked her arm forcefully onto mine and gave everyone a bright smile, "See you guys at lunch!"

Beck gave me an encouraging nod, and I smiled genuinley at him.

After that awkward sort of meet and greet, Cat walked me to my first period class. "Introductions are only awkward as you make them out to be," She said, twirling a piece of red hair around her finger.

"I know, but...she kissed Beck. It's weird." I shrugged, hesitating before my class room door.

Cat gave me a weak smile and laid her hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry about Tori, I can guarantee that she's not gonna go after Beck. Just worry about yourself today, mk?"

Ugh, Cat, when did you get so smart?

I gave her my best smile and nodded my head. "You're right. Meet me after class?"

"Kay kay!"

With that, Cat skipped off to her classroom that was just three doors down.

I, however, was still hestitant about opening the door to my classroom after three months. They're all gonna stare and whisper. I just know it.

/

That went better than expected and I'm feeling a lot better about this whole day.

I didn't really talk much, I just sat there and copied down notes like a normal student.

That continued on to the next class, but of course I talked to Cat while we walked down the hall together talking about everything under the florecent lighting of the hallways.

I'm thankful that Beck had brought me my homework and textbooks so I didn't fall behind in all my classes while I was in-

"Ready for lunch?" I thought Beck would be waiting for me by my locker. But instead I found Andre waiting there like a dolt.

I raised my eyebrow, "Yeah, 'Dre. Where's Beck?"

Ugh, I feel as though I'm becoming to clingy to my brother today. I don't want to turn in to Jade. Not saying she's a clingy person but, okay, well, she sort of is. But she has a right to be, I mean what with boyfriend stealers like Tori stalking around the school.

Boyfriend stealers? Aly, that's so juvenile.

Let me rephrase that sentence. I mean, what with girls with a serious case of skank face like Tori stalking around the school like a hormonal werewolf looking for a new person to bite. By bite I of course mean hook up with.

A hand waved in front of my face. Right. Andre. "What'd you say? I was thinking about last period." I lied smoothly.

He grinned, "Only half a day back and you're already focusing on the chiz they talk about in class. Like I was sayin', Beck stayed after to talk to Sikowitz about some one act play, so he wanted me to make sure you got to lunch alright." Andre explained, starting to lead me in to the direction of the eating area.

Lunch.

Lunch.

Lunch.

Five letters, together meaning a period of the day where a mass of students get together in the Asphalt Cafe to indulge in their six hundred to eight hundred calorie lunches.

But I'm not supposed to think about that, because I'm better now and better people don't think about eight hundred calorie sub sandwhiches.

I should think about dance right after lunch. Only I don't have dance right after lunch anymore. I have it third period instead of sixth, because they changed it. So many things changed.

I didn't even get to have dance today. I got to take a test that I had missed my class taking last week. It was retarted and made me miss my favorite subject.

One of the only reasons I got better and came back here. School is such bullshit, the only thing that matters to me is dancing.

Andre and I reached the Cafe and I scanned the area for the table I used to sit at with Robbie, Rex (does he count?) Cat, Beck, Jade and Andre.

Only those five people plus a puppet.

When I found the table, however, there was six people and a puppet.

I rolled my eyes. Of course Tori sits with them. 'Cause there best friends now aren't they all?

My eyes left that table and I soon found myself staring at the Grub Truck, so I halted, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Beck and Jade and Cat staring at me.

Good. I want them all watching. "I'll be right there, I just wanna grab a salad and a water."

He nodded and continued off to the usual table I had mentioned numerous times in the last paragraph.

As the line died down a little and I was so close to the front, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Smiling, I turned around, only to have the facial expression falter at the sight of Tori Vega.

"Hey, Aly." There was that shining smile again. Disturbing.

"Hi," I replied. It was just enough to acknowledge the fact that I knew she was there. Maybe she would just not talk anymore.

To my distaste, though, she did. "Can I ask you a question?"

I sighed. Sure, I wanted to say, as long as it's not about where I've been for the last two months she's been here. I'm sure as hell not telling her I've been in- "What's on your mind?" I finally asked, before she thought I was some deranged person who spaces out constantly.

Even though I am.

"Did I do something this morning? It just sort of felt like...I don't know, like you didn't like me or something?" She twiddled her fingers through her long locks of brunette hair.

I stole a look at the Grub Truck order window just in time for Festus to nod at me, motioning that it was my turn to order. "I'll have a plain salad, no dressing, and a vitamin water," I handed him my ten dollar bill and he dissappeared in to his massive truck of grub. "-look, Tori, I just don't like letting people into my life when I first meet them."

That got my point across, I think?

Her beam of toothy-ness abruptly turned in to a frown. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

No. You didn't. You'll never know because I won't ever let you know.

Festus returned to the window and handed me a container with leafy greens, cherry tomatoes and croutons.

This is going to be hard. But, I've been doing well for practically three months almost.

I can do this.

"Well, well, well, look who it is, ya'll." Robbie's puppet, Rex, piped up as I sat down at the table.

Ignore him. "Still playing with your dolls, Rob?" I playfully shot at him. He sheepishly looked down at his pizza, "Glad to see your back, Als." He muttered, but Rex wasn't finished. "I ain't no doll, hun. Still dividing your food into eighths? Or have you finally gotten up to twelfths?"

My eyes widened and I stared down at my plastic container that was opened, I had subconciously began dividing my food up, just as Rex had said.

I quickly scrambled it all up and began hesitantly lifting a forkful of lettuce and cucumbers in to my mouth.

It was really awkward having almost a whole group of people staring at you while you ate.

But...that means they care, right?


	2. A Reason for Everything

Aly's POV

Finally.

The last bell of the day has rung and I can go home and nap for twenty years.

But it won't be twenty years. I won't nap at all.

I'll go home, do my homework with the door open, stretch in the living room that barely anyone in our house uses, eat dinner with my parents (read: two people who sit there, unspoken, watching and drinking chardonay) and go to sleep.

Maybe I'll call Cat or Jade. Or just Cat.

Because Jade will probably be at my house. In the RV. With my brother.

You put the pieces together.

Speaking of two of my favorite people in the world, they're standing in front of me waiting to make a move.

Pretend to be happy, Aly. "Well? Let's go home." I smiled the pretend smile I had learned to acheive so many months ago.

Beck smiled right back, except his was real, and intertwined his tan fingers with Jade's.

Jade is his girlfriend. Tori isn't. But she wants to be, I bet.

I saw the way she looked at him during lunch. Looking right passed Andre.

Or maybe she was looking at Andre. It's none of my business.

Ugh, her name makes me want to thro- claw my eyes out with hawk talons. She expects me to just accept her as my friend? Just like that.

Jade is my best friend, and aforementioned brother's girlfriend. Tori kissed Beck.

For what reason? Revenge?

You can't mac on another person's boyfriend just because that person dumped coffee on your head because you were rubbing up on said boy.

I'm not letting her walk into my life. That's final. Not everyone has to like her and she needs to understand that.

But I can be nice, can't I?

Cat was friends with her and she would want me to be nice to Miss Vega.

I do, but don't, want to be nice to her.

But I'll have to try.

I'm doing this for Cat.

If you're wondering why I would be nice to someone I clearly hate just because of Cat, let me clear the situation up for you.

Caterina Valentine is seventeen years old and her whole world is sugar and red velvet cupcakes and dolphins and baby pigs and niceness and sweet. That's the way it is because that's the way she wants it to be.

Some people whisper about her and say she's on drugs, or that her parents hate her so she cries out for attention by dying her hair and acting like an airhead.

The truth is, Cat is an airhead, because that's the way she wants to be. 'It's fun!' She tells me. I believe her.

Like I said before, Cat would want her two friends to be nice to eachother and Tori is already doing her part by trying to be nice to me, so I'll do the same.

I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, happiness; against all discouragement that could be.

The Charles Dickens book Jade gave to me as a gift is invading my head.

I love Cat, but I'm not in love with her.

Although, she'd probably be better than any man I've ever met, or hope to meet, in my lifetime.

Beck made a wide turn around a corner, and I pulled myself out of my Tori starting Cat induced thoughts. This is Jade's street.

Why isn't she coming over like I had mentally planned?

I inwardly sighed. She's not coming over because my brother wants to know honestly how my first day back at good old HollyWood Arts went. I'd rather Jade was there with us, too.

Beck and Jade and Cat are my real family. Beck and Jade are like the parents. Cat and I are the mischevious girls always getting into trouble and having sleepovers, giggling and telling secrets.

That last part was what we used to have, anyway. I hope we can have another sleepover again soon. It'll make me forget about my messed up life and she can have fun filling me in on what's happened over the past two months at school. Not that Jade hasn't done a good job of filling me in, but er, Jade's a little biased.

By biased I mean she's very pessimistic in her recaps.

Anyway, we pulled up in front of Jade's house and I could faintly see the sillouhete of her mother placing something that I'm going to guess was a plant by the window.

Jade's mom is not an alcoholic and didn't get pregnant with her at age seventeen. Jade's mom is a housewife who leads a life any normal woman should. She's also Jade's complete opposite.

As Beckett and Jadelyn continued on with their goodbye kisses, my eyes lingered to the driveway that contained one cottage cheese colored Jaguar, but was missing a jet black Charger.

Obviously her father was still at work. Again, Jade's dad is not some kind of abusive father, he just doesn't exactly seem like he wants to be around her all the time. I'm not saying he doesn't love her, because I'm pretty all parents love their kids, but they just don't see eye to eye.

Her mom tries harder than her dad does.

He barely tries at all.

"I better go before Camille Grammar in there sees that I'm avoiding her and tries to come out all smiles with a pan of brownies." Jade rolled her eyes before opening her car door and giving me a quick smile.

Yeah, Jade does do that sometimes.

/

I told him everything. But of course I made my story more full of life and happier than it really was.

School is boring and he knows it, so why does he pretend like me going back to school would really make me happy?

Beck wants me to be happy.

I want me to be happy.

I am. A little. Sort of. Not really.

I used to be happy, before I went to- that place. I really shouldn't keep cutting it off at points like this, but I will.

When I told him, he had a genuine smile on his face and he was happy. But happy for me.

I love my brother more than anyone in the world, maybe even more than Cat. If that's possible.

Before I knew it, of course, one of them had to ruin it.

'It's time for dinner, Allison!' That's one of the most annoying sentences that anyone could ever say to me. It's dreadful, rude and vile.

I went into the house, of course. Without Beck.

He doesn't eat with us most nights. The week after I got home he ate with us, but after that it was back to his RV.

I don't hate the RV. It was the best thing in my life months ago, but also the worst for my health.

That may have not made any sense. I'm convinced as long as things make sense to me it's okay to say them.

Cat taught me that.

My mother laid a plate of food in front of me. I think she managed to get all of the food groups in again.

The plate had one whole wheat roll, one slab of pork chop with apples, two baked potato skins and was accompied by a tall glass of orange juice.

I dislike orange juice.

Almost as much as I dislike the small capsules she's handing me at this very moment.

"Two of these orange pills, one of the brown and one of the white." She instructed like I've never taken these before.

I nodded and began to eat my roll that I think is stale. This is the worst part of my day, I swear. Worse than going to school this morning. Worse than meeting Victoria Vega.

I pretended to listen to my mother about the nutritional value in this delightful (read: dreadful) meal we're enjoying (again read: tolerating) at the dinner table.

Cue Mommy telling me to make sure I eat the apples.

Cue Mommy telling me not to pick the brocolli off my potato skin.

Cue Daddy telling my mom not to pester me while I'm thankfully still eating.

Oh boy. And now the fighting begins.

Eat quickly, Aly.

I scarfed down my food, which made my tiny, pink tummy cry, and popped each pill into my mouth. I swallowed them down each with a gulp of orange juice and excused myself from the table.

All that matters is if my plate is clean, they don't care where I go afterwards.

Where am I going?

To see Beck.

The cold, California night time greeted me as I stepped out onto our porch. The RV lights are still on, not that I was expecting any different. Although, sometimes he likes to go to Jade's house and not tell anyone. It's not cool.

I walked my un-shoe'd feet to his 'home' and knocked twice on the door. "Come on in, Als."

Right. He knows. Because Jade doesn't knock and my parents never come down here unless it's to tell him that they need to get in the garage.

"Hey," I whispered, taking a seat on his couch type thing.

Beck looked up from his paper and grinned. "Were they annoying you too much?"

I lifted my legs up onto the couch and laid there, nodding. "Fighting. Again."

He just mumbled something about them being immature and continued his work.

I could feel myself dozing off, and I hated myself for it. I'm sixteen years old, I don't need to be sleeping in my brother's RV. But...I don't want to go back in there. I'm sick of the yelling.

Especially since I can guartantee some of it, most of it, is about me.

My eyes fell shut with a quiet thud, and I heard a soft chuckle before a blanket was pulled over me.

Thanks, Beck.

/

The next morning I woke up to Beck's alarm clock blaring 'Breaking Benjamin'. Damn. There was a reason I hated this band. I was having such a good dream for once in my life.

I moved my hand off the couch and felt around on the floor for my PearPhone.

When I finally located it, I clicked the circle menu button and saw the time. Six in the goddamn morning.

School is such bullshit.

Before I knew it, there was a rather Aladdin looking man hovering over me and shaking my shoulders. "Als, time to get up." The man smiled, bending down to kiss my forehead.

"No, Beck. It's time to go back to sleep." I pushed his face away.

Sighing, he took the blankets off me, which is rude considering I'm freezing, and proceeded to pick me up, bridal style. That's rude because I hate being picked up in general.

Which is part of the reason I wriggled out of his arms and fell hard on the RV ground. It didn't hurt, but I'd much rather it hurt than have someone that close to me.

I can't really explain it, but I seriously don't like being hugged, held or basically touched.

Well, honestly I could explain it but I won't. Maybe soon.

I picked myself off the ground and made sure I had my Pear Phone. I nodded to the door, "I'm going to go change and get ready for school."

Beck smiled and started making his way to his dresser, presumably getting ready himself.

I scurried back into the house, creeping up the stairs leading to my room. My parents had already left to go to there early morning jobs, so it's relatively safe.

Possibly I shouldn't be left alone in a bathroom in an empty house. But it's okay because I'm strong now and I won't look at the-

Won't look at the-

Scale/skāl/noun: A device used for self torture, otherwise known as 'weighing ones self'.

If you step on it, it'll make you cry.

That's what it did for me anyway. Especially when they made me stand on it backwards when I was-

Shaking my head, I stared in to the mirror. My blonde hair was starting to fade at the roots, growing in a light brown.

Yes, my natural hair color is a shade lighter than Beckett's, and almost the identical match to my mothers. It hasn't been that color for a long, long time.

There's no real deep meaning as to why that is- okay, so there is.

Maybe I'll explain that later, along with the touching issue I have.

I brushed out my bottle blonde hair, clipped my bangs back out of my face and applied a heavy coat of mascara. My outfit consisted of a creme colored off-the-shoulder top, a pair of ripped jeans and black tie up wedges.

It's time for another day at school.

/

Beck and Jade left me at my locker and headed off early to sign up for some intermediate salsa dancing class.

Finally. Some peace and quiet.

"Hey, Aly!"

Oh God, it's her.

Suddenly, Tori was standing next to my locker. Desperation is her natural scent, I'm going to guess. Her need to be friends with everyone is quite un-attractive.

"Hi there, Tori." I rolled my eyes and began to put up some pictures that had rudely been taken down from my old locker.

It was silent for a moment, and I was thankful.

Every time I'm thankful for something, like my parents going out for dinner and not taking me, getting the house to myself, green tea or ipecac syrup, there's always something that goes wrong.

In an instant, all my pictures that were in my bag were now on the floor.

It seems as though my bag had slid out of my open locker and the contents spilled. Shit. There are pictures in there from-

"Why are you in the hospital in this picture?" Tori held up a rectangular photo paper. It was a picture of Cat and Jade kissing both sides of my face, me obviously in the middle, wearing an off white hospital gown with an IV in my arm.

Two days after I fainted. One day before I was admitted.

I angrilly snatched the photo away from her and I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. "You shouldn't have seen that."

"Aly...is there a reason you've been gone for so long?"

Victoria. There's a reason for everything.


	3. Yes&No&Why&Why Not

Aly's POV

Tori and I hadn't talked since our encounter at my locker.

I ended up not knowing what to say, as usual, and slamming my locker, telling her to go away.

It was now lunch time and she couldn't take her eyes off me. She wanted to know what was up...but does she really have a right to know?

No, she doesn't because she's not my friend.

Yes, she does because maybe it'll be good for me to let someone else in. Maybe she's a good listener.

Ugh. God. The only thing that's stopping me from taking a taxi to the southern side of Mount Lee in Griffith Park to throw myself off the 'H' on the Hollywood sign is that after second period this morning, Cat asked me if I wanted to come over after school.

Of course I said yes. She's my best friend.

Tori shifted uncomfortably in the already uncomfortable lunch seat, "Aly...I really don't want to bring it up here, but can't we talk-"

I cut her off short. "No, Tori. We can't."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Beck raise his eyebrow at Tori, and then glance at me.

Don't ask, brother. Because I don't feel like explaining it.

And thanks, Tori. Now everyone at the lunch table is looking at me, not that they weren't doing that before, but it's double awkward now.

Speaking of whom, she wasn't done trying to get an answer out of me, "I'm not trying to pry-"

"But you are. Obviously." I said, once again cutting her off.

Beck unwrapped his arm from around Jade's shoulders and tapped my wrist with his finger, "Are you two okay?"

I smiled and took a deep breath. "Of course we are. Tori just wanted to know...if I was going to the Kickback this Saturday, but I didn't want to talk about it right now because I don't know if I'm going. And she didn't want to pry an answer out, seeing as how we just met."

That's a convincing web of lies. I hope he buys it.

I hope Tori Vega can keep her big, brother kissing, best friend boyfriend macking mouth shut.

After returning to reality, I noticed Beck looking directly at Tori as to confirm my story. Just go with it, Tori. Everything will be chill afterwards.

She did.

The slight nod of her head did the trick and lunch went back to normal.

This lettuce in this salad is limp, and my apple is brusied. I hate bruised apples almost as much as Jade hate's...everything.

But I'll eat it. Not just because if I start acting weird I'll have to eat lunch in the nurses office and I just can't go with that, but because I have absolutley no desire to go back to-

"Are you going to the kickback, Aly-kins?" Internally, I'm smiling. Externally, I'm trying to look confused.

This was Cat now, and no amount of burning Tori eyes could make me be curt with Cat.

I piled limp lettuce in my mouth. Chew, chew, chew, swallow. "Do you think I should go?"

Her red curls bounced in all different directions as she squealed out, "Yes! Absolutley! We can go shopping together for an outfit!"

I can't tell her no. I honestly don't want to go. This is Caterina Hannah Valentine. So I'll say yes.

I have to clear it with someone first, though. "What do you think Beck?" Another question left my mouth and it seems I've been letting them flow freely one too many times this lunch period.

At least all this Kickback nonsense is taking me off Tori's mind, because as far as I can see, she's chattering with Andre about this Saturday.

My brother handed me my apple with his tan hand and I held back a look of disgust, "I think it'll be good for you to get out of the house. Besides, Jade and I are going, so you'll definitley have a ride-"

"I can drive her!"

I'm glad I'm not the only one interuppting people today.

Cat had stuck her hand in the air, a childish way of getting Beck's attention, but it was just so...cute.

Beck ran his fingers through his hair and gave a small smile, "O-okay."

Jade rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, putting it back over her shoulder in it's rightful place.

Smiling, because right now I'm genuinley happy, I took a small bite of my apple and chew chew chewed until the slimy mush slid down my throat.

After closing my eyes to swallow, I stared back at the reddish sphere and tried not to gag vomit throw up cry.

There was only a tiny, tiny mark in it and I knew I had to finish the rest or someone would say something.

I bit into it once more, barely chewed, and swalled. 'Savoring the taste' is not something I know.

This specific noise of high heels hitting pavement, however, I do know. They belong to someone that I don't generally like. Her name is Katrina. It's like Cat's full name, but it rolls off my tongue differently, and it doesn't nearly taste as sweet. "Long time no see, Trina." I tried to smile, but I can't even force myself to curve the corners of my mouth upward the slightest bit.

I turned around to get a good look at her face. Nothing changed really. It was still full of makeup, full of confidence that she doesn't deserve everybody deserves confidence allison, and an expression that looked quite surprised. "Aly?" She raised her eyebrow.

Who were you expecting? It's not like they were going to lock me away forever.

"You two know each other?" Now that was Tori. What does she mean by that, exactly? Unless...

No. I mean, they look alike, but I've heard rumors that Tori is actually talented. "Yeah, we know each other. I did go to this school before you, remember." My tone wasn't friendly, but it wasn't bitchy enough to get me in trouble. Mostly from my brother.

We did know each other and we were friends.

Were. As in, probably never going to be friends ever again. She did something that I can never forgive her for, even though I should.

Sure, some people might consider what she did a real act of friendship, but I consider her a backstabber. "How do you two know each other, though?"

I heard Jade scoff and take a straw full of her drink, "They're sisters. Both untalented, both trying to steal my boyfriend..." That last part was only audible for Beck and I. It made me smile.

Sisters, huh? It makes sense, and not in a rascist way.

What Jade said _could_ be true, about the things they have in common, but I know one more thing they have in common.

I don't see myself trying to be friends with either of them in the near future.

Trina began babbling to her sister, avoiding talking to me, or even looking at me. Normally, I mind when people ignore me blatantly, but right now, I don't really care.

What do I have to say to her anyway?

/

School isn't as relevant as it used to be. When I first got into Hollywood Arts, I was so incredibly happy. It was like that letter assured me that I had talent, that I was going somewhere in life.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere, though. It feels like I'm stuck.

I can't be the only one. "Cat, do you ever feel like you're stuck?"

Cat looked up from browsing through a TigerBeat magazine, "What do you mean?"

"Stuck. Like, you're never going anywhere?"

The red head pursed her lips and pondered. "I only think that when I'm in a sad mood. It's not a good feeling," Cat frowned, putting down the magazine.

Maybe I'm in a permanent 'sad' mood. "No...it isn't."

Cat's frown was still present, and it almost looked like she was thinking something over in her mind. I know that look because I used to feature it a lot. I liked to count or do math in my head.

"Ugh, my little brother needs to stop turning the central air off," Before I knew it, Cat had no top on and was walking around her room, trying to find a different one. "He keeps using my cupcake body wash in the shower, so he's convinced he's turning into a cupcake and tries to bake himself."

I know her brother is odd, but does he honestly think you can cook yourself? Into a cupcake no less?

I tried not to look at my best friends bare torso, not because I'm prude, but because I have a tendency to get jealous.

I'm not talking about her boob size. I'm talking about the way her ribs show just the right amount, and the way her stomach doesn't poke out at the very bottom.

But I can't think of that. I'm not going to look and put myself through that.

If I'm saying all this, why am I looking?

The room suddenly grew hot as Cat was sliding a bright pink camisol over her matching pink bra and California tanned skin.

With the heat intensifying, I pulled off my cardigan, laying it down next to my bag.

Cat turned around, as perky as ever and smiled, "Hot?"

The way the word eased out of her mouth was perfect. It wasn't a question really, but more of a tease. If that makes any sense at all.

I bit my lip in fear of it quivering from the unidentified feeling that had just overwhelmed my entire body, "Y-yeah," Damn. The biting failed. I brought my fingers to my lip, playing it off. "God, I think the pills I'm taking are making my lips feel numb."

I watched silently as my best friend angelically stepped over to me and smirked a little, "Well here, we'll check."

Before I could say anything in response, Cat's lips were slowly on mine, gently, but nonetheless, kissing me.

Her skin smells like funnel cake, sugar cookies and marshmallows. Her hair, although shaded like a cupcake, smells like apricots and cinnamon. It's my favorite scent.

The false red head pushed me onto my back, further on the bed, still kissing me. Normally, I would think this was wierd, but for some reason, right now, with Cat, it felt so right. Her lips are delicious, much better than any boy I've ever kissed, and I've kissed a lot of boys.

I used to make out with them in the janitor's closet.

I should make out with Cat in the janitor's office.

What. Am. I. Saying. I said I wasn't in love with Cat...but- I think I might be. The oppurtune words there are think and might.

She's so different right now, so in control. It's like these aren't my kisses anymore, they're hers.

But I need air.

I ran my fingers through her thick hair, kissing her one last sweet time, and then detaching her lips from mine.

Cat's eyes didn't show a hint of anger. What lingered in those brown orbs were innocence and passion.

"I'm...uh, sorry, Cat." I was trying not to make eye contact anymore.

The petite girl giggled and moved my blonde pieces of bangs out of my face, "Aly, don't be sorry. Jade and I have kissed more times than I can count. Besides," She leaned closer to my face and pecked my lips, "-you might just be a better kisser than Jade."

Cat and Jade have kissed? Well, it doesn't suprise me. Except it makes me a tiny bit jealous.

It shouldn't though. It just shouldn't.

Then why does it?

I like boys, I really do. I don't have a reason not to. My brother is sweet, caring and doesn't yell at me. My father is...well he's alright. He's never once laid a hand on me or screamed in my face, or touched me anywhere I didn't want to be touched.

The only two other boys in my life, not counting Jade's brother or Cat's brother, have never not been nice to me. Andre is like another brother, and Robbie's that awkward kid that you can always count on making you feel pretty.

Mostly because he doesn't know how to talk to girls and ends up saying something along the lines of, 'I like your face wanna do something on Friday?'. I normally just laugh and walk away, along with the other three hundred girls he's said that to.

I just don't understand why right now, in this moment, right here with Cat, I feel happy. I can't tell if I want this or not.

It's easier not to feel happy, in my opinion. It's easier to not feel anything. At all.

So when people, or in my case my therapist, ask me what I'm feeling, I just say nothing. That way I don't have to explain my feelings, because there are none.

That's how I like it.


End file.
